I was a kid in the 80s. I remember when the Rocky movies were all the rage and Sylvester Stallone was one of the biggest action stars around. But I didn't watch any of the movies then. I was a girl and, as such, was nestled safely in my girl den and refused to watch anything that looked too much like a guy movie. And Rocky is a guy movie if I ever saw one.
I may have been a touch hypocritical about that, considering that I was a hopeless horror buff and thought A Nightmare on Elm Street was greatest movie franchise in history, but whatever.
A Total Dork
I remember dreaming of binge watching before binge watching was even a thing. One time I even announced to my parents that when I grew up I was going to own a movie theater so I could show movie marathons there. I had a limitless list of themes. It consisted of more than just movies in series that I wanted to show in chronological order. One of the nerdiest things I dreamed of doing in my theater was picking an actor or actress, maybe a director, and showing every movie that person ever made. In chronological order.
I don't know how on earth I planned to make a living from that. I guess I just assumed the rest of the world was as nerdy as I was and that everyone was obsessed with having long movie marathons built around an arbitrary theme.
My mom's reaction should have told me that the rest of the world was decidedly not as nerdy as I was, but in my childlike wisdom I chalked it up to old people "just not getting it."
My Rocky Marathon
When I finally got around to watching the Rocky movies, of course I had to have a marathon. I was married by this time, so my husband and I watched them together.
We got through the first one and I must say it's one of those movies that had to grow on me. I love it now, but certain things are so subtle it took a couple of viewings before I could really understand everything that was happening. For example, my husband had to explain to me that Rocky loses the boxing match at the end. That went right over my head when I watched it.
Okay, so part one was in the can. On to part two. Then three. Then my husband went on a business trip, but he told me to go ahead and watch part four without him because he'd already seen it.
Remember that we were kids in the 80s. Rocky IV was huge in the 80s. Well, Rocky in general was huge in the 80s, but part four was huger. More huge? Better endowed with hugeness? Whatever. It was a popular movie when we were growing up, and my husband assured me that I was going to like it.
Then I watched it.
Um...
I called him on the phone after it was over and told him it was just about the cheesiest thing I'd ever seen.
He was incredulous. Rocky IV was the best Rocky. Wasn't it?
Dear hubs...there's a freaking robot in the movie.
A robot? I don't remember a robot.
Trust me, there's a robot.
We left the argument there and didn't discuss it again for quite a while.
I Am Vindicated
It was only a few months ago that my husband decided to watch Rocky IV again. I had gone to bed early, and he stayed up late watching television, and Rocky IV was one of the things he watched. The next morning, he mentioned to me that he had watched it.
Good lord, I said, that movie is terrible.
It is pretty cheesy.
Do you remember the robot now?
I had forgotten about the robot. But yes, there is a robot.
Why? Just, why?
The Social Media Firestorm
Not long after re-watching Rocky IV, my husband went on Facebook and asked all his friends, "What's the worst movie you've ever seen." People responded in the comment section with various movies they had hated over the years.
My husband had a list of three or four. Rocky IV was one of them.
Wow...you would have thought he'd threatened to kidnap everyone's children and feed them to the Minotaur. So many people protested his dislike of that movie, all proclaiming that "it's the best Rocky movie!"
I pointed out that it has a robot in it.
A friend responded with, "But we beat the Russians!"
Another friend told my husband, "A kitten died when you said that. A kitten named Adrian."
Oh my. 80s kids love that movie.
So. Do you like Rocky? Do you have a favorite installment? Do you agree or disagree with my assessment of part four? Let me know in the comments.
But please don't tell me I've killed a kitten by writing this. I love kittens.
I just don't love Rocky IV.
Robot.
Okay, I'll stop now.
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