The Struggle To Keep It Positive On Social Media

Social Media Is a Different World

Everyone is aware that the rules for interaction on the internet are different than the rules for face to face interaction. There are a number of reasons for this. For one thing, when you are sitting in front of a flesh and blood person you can make a statement and they can tell from your tone of voice and body language whether you are being serious, sarcastic, silly, etc. When you make the same comment in an online forum the body language is not there and people will always take your words at face value.

Another difference between personal interaction and online interaction is that the comments you post online don't go away. Okay, you can delete them, but if you don't they stick around forever. What you say in a group of friends might not even be heard by everyone, and the people who do hear it are likely to forget what you said five minutes later. Unless you said something truly offensive, but that's a different thing altogether. When you make a comment online, it's there for anyone to read. And reread. And reread again. As are the replies people make. And your replies to their replies and so on. Yeah, in places like Facebook there are privacy settings, but even with those in place your words are accessible to more people than would typically hear a discreet conversation between you and a friend. Let's face it, the internet is a public place and every time we say anything it's like we're standing on a podium making a speech. Most of us would not make a speech without careful planning. The same should be true for the things we say online.

The Social Media Mudslinging Match

Have you ever met someone with whom you had a difference of opinion? Well, of course you have. We all have. Have you ever engaged in a lively debate with that person? Probably. Face to face debates can actually be fun because, again, you can often judge by a person's vocal tone and body language whether their comments are being made out of anger or whether said comments are intended to be insulting. As long as both parties are in good spirits and are laying out their points in a calm and logical manner, differences of opinion can lead to great discussions. Not so online. Have you ever seen a debate online? Have you ever seen one that looked fun? That seemed to offend no one? That was nothing more than a few people calmly stating their point of view and then sitting back and listening attentively to someone else's point of view? Okay, you actually can have that kind of discussion online, but you have to spend so much time saying things like, "I see your point, but" or "I completely understand how people might feel that way, however" that the actual point you're trying to make gets lost in a sea of apologies. Most people don't take the time to say those things and so online debates quickly turn nasty. And they turn nasty with the whole world watching.

I don't want to get involved in the mudslinging, and so I've vowed to share very few of my opinions online. I just don't want the drama. I don't want people angry at me over a comment that would not have even phased them if I'd said it to their face, but online...well, that's different. I don't want to share political posts to my Facebook stream and invite the kinds of attacks I see hurled as these types of posts every day. I don't want to lose friends because they find out that...gulp...I vote differently than they do. Maybe political opinions have always been an impediment in some relationships, but usually people could get to a point where they would agree to disagree. Social media has changed that. People get tired of having their political candidate, their religion, their ethnic group, or their socioeconomic group insulted over and over by what someone else thought was just a funny Facebook meme. I get tired of those things too, but I don't comment because that would make me one of the mudslingers, and I don't want to be a mudslinger.

The Challenge

I have opinions like everyone else. Some of my opinions are very strong. Sometimes I find myself so angered by what someone else posts on Facebook that I want to write my own angry rant about that topic. Holding my tongue is hard, especially in the face of stereotypes. There are times when I want to say, "Okay, yes I do think that, but I would never do that. We're not all freaks, you know." But I don't say anything because I don't want to open the door to the nastiness that will likely ensue.

There are also some issues facing our society today that make me very angry. While I can usually face a difference of opinion in a spirit of respect, there are some things that will always ruffle my feathers. There are days when I feel an overwhelming urge to post something political just to show everyone else how wrong they are. But again, I don't. Why? Because I know it will not be effective. I mean really, how many people have changed their opinion on an important issue because they read a Facebook post from someone who disagrees with them? Yeah, reading the opinions of others might make us think about things in a new way, which could lead to a change of heart, but quite often it just makes us angry. Quite often it just makes us want to post our own opinion, and post it in such a way that it drowns out the voices of all who disagree.

Going Forward

At the end of the day I've decided that it's not worth it to risk friendships over conflicting worldviews. Actions speak louder than words anyway, so as long as I live my life according to my own values I don't need to be online shoving those values into the faces of others. But I do want to sometimes. I mean, I'm only human, after all.

The Best Episodes From Every Season of Supernatural

Season One

Nightmare
As I've said in numerous posts, I like characters with a vulnerable side. The entire story arc of the first two seasons of this show involve Sam's visions and the question of what they might mean. It's a frightening and sometimes painful experience for him, and it makes for powerful television. At least for me. This episode is not the first one to explore Sam's visions, but I consider it the best.

Season Two

Heart
Oh my, how hard it was to pick the best episode from season two! It is by far my far my favorite season of the entire series, with so many creepy and intensely emotional episodes to choose from. But at the end of the day I have to go with Heart because it actually succeeded in making me cry, something I don't do easily. To understand this episode you must have watched the first two seasons in their entirety, otherwise its emotional impact will be lost on you. When you know where "the road so far" has carried Sam and Dean up until this point, you can almost feel what they are feeling in the final scene of this episode. I think it is my favorite of the series as a whole.

Season Three

Mystery Spot
It was just as hard to pick one from season three as it was to pick one from season two, but for a different reason. If season two was my favorite, season three was...well...not. It just seemed a bit of a let down after the earth shattering events that came before it. There were really no episodes that stood out as being great. Of course that's just my opinion, but it did make choosing one from this season difficult. I'm going with Mystery Spot because it had a good mix of drama and humor. It also paid tribute to Groundhog Day, and who doesn't love that?

Season Four

When the Levee Breaks
If you are part of the Supernatural fandom, then you know that there are Sam girls and Dean girls. I'm definitely more of a Sam girl, so an episode all about Sam...yeah, I'm totally there.

Season Five

Swan Song
The season five finale. If you've watched the show then you know how powerful this episode is. If you haven't I won't give spoilers. Just...wow.

Season Six

The Man Who Knew Too Much
Again we're exploring Sam's vulnerable side. Yes, please.

Season Seven

The Born-Again Identity
This was my absolute least favorite season of the show. The leviathan story arc was boring at best. Most of the time it was just plain annoying. But the season did have some high points, at least for a Sam girl who likes strong male characters with a vulnerable side. So if you're me, then The Born-Again Identity is the best episode from season seven.

Season Eight

Sacrifice
In season eight the show seems to reclaim a little of the glory of its early years. The leviathans are finally gone (thank goodness) and the new story arc is much more engaging. Some episodes also return somewhat to the creepy atmosphere of the first few seasons. And then there are the hugs. There have been whole blog posts and hosts of YouTube videos devoted entirely to the number of times Sam and Dean hug in season eight. It all culminates in the finale, which is my pick for the best episode of this season.

Season Nine

Do You Believe in Miracles
Another season finale, and one of the few times I was more moved by Dean's storyline than by Sam's. Again, I won't give any spoilers, just watch it. But watch the rest of the season first because if you don't knew where the characters have been you won't fully appreciate what happens to them in this episode.

Season Ten

The Things We Left Behind
There are Sam girls and there are Dean girls, but Castiel has his fair share of fans as well. Normally I'm not one of them, but I did enjoy the journey his character takes in this episode. It also ties up a loose end from an earlier season, and I like it when shows do that.

Season Eleven

Safe House
I have really been enjoying season eleven. If the return to the creepy atmosphere of the early years began in season eight, it seems to be in full swing now. I chose Safe House as my favorite episode because it actually scared me. I haven't found an episode of Supernatural scary since season one. Good job, writers and directors!

What About You?

You've got all my favorites. What are yours? Feel free to leave a comment and let me know!

The Best Episodes From Each Season of The X Files

Season One

Darkness Falls
There are quite a few X Files episodes that appeal to the horror movie buff in me, but this one is by far the best. It has nothing to do with the mythology of the show, there's not a heck of a lot of character development, we're not treated to any intensely emotional scenes, but as horror goes it doesn't get much better than a group of people stranded in the woods with the knowledge that they are all likely to die as soon as it gets dark. Creepy and suspenseful.

Season Two

The Calusari
There were several candidates for my favorite episode from season two, but again I'm letting my inner horror fan be my guide on this one. There's nothing creepier than evil children.

Season Three

The Blessing Way
Picking one from the mythology for season three. I enjoyed these episodes in previous seasons, but honestly I always felt that the first two seasons lacked the emotional impact these types of episodes are supposed to have. Season three seems to be the season in which the show finally found its footing, and this episode is a good example of that.

Season Four

Demons
Okay, I admit, I'm a sucker for strong male characters with a vulnerable side, and this episode explores Mulder's vulnerable side in a way that leaves me breathless. Loosely tied to the mythology with its emphasis on Mulder's search for his sister, it follows his character down a very dark road while the audience gets to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Season Five

Chinga
First let me say that I'm fluent in Spanish, so it takes a bit of effort for me to get past the title of this one. I have absolutely no idea what the word is supposed to mean in the context of the episode. When I hear it I just hear...well, you can look it up yourself. But anyway, the episode is another one that appeals to my horror loving side. It has another evil child, which ups the creep factor for me exponentially. There's also a good deal of humor in this one, so that makes it a double win!

Season Six

Biogenesis
This is another one I picked because of my weakness for men with a vulnerable side. Mulder is physically vulnerable in this one as opposed to emotionally vulnerable, but it's still powerful stuff.

Season Seven

Closure
Mulder finally finds out what happened to his sister. Doesn't get much better than that.

Season Eight

Deadalive
We finally get Agent Mulder back. Yay!

Season Nine

William
Okay, it was really hard to pick one from this season. I barely watched it when it aired originally because I was angry at the producers for trying to shift the focus of the show from Mulder and Scully to Doggett and Reyes. I know I'm not the only one who felt that way. There's a reason why this was the last season. But if pressed, I would have to choose William, first because of its emotional impact and second because of its importance in light of the recent tenth season.

Season Ten

Founder's Mutation
Okay, I didn't hate the new X Files, but I also didn't love it the way I loved the original show. So again it was hard to pick a favorite from this season. I would probably choose Founder's Mutation because it was mysterious, creepy at times, and also connected to the larger mystery around which the tenth season revolves.

Tell Me What You Think

I've given you all my favorite episodes--okay, not all my favorites because I would need to pick more than one from each season to be able to do that but, well never mind--I'd love to hear about yours. If your list is different from mine, feel free to tell me about it in a comment.

The Challenge of Writing Backstory

A Surprising Challenge

I wrote last week about some of the difficulties I'm having with my new book, contrasting it with the relative ease with which I wrote Amelia's Children. Though both books are paranormal, Amelia's Children dealt with psychic abilities whereas my current work in progress has more to do with magic. I was surprised to find just how complex a thing magic is compared with the simplicity of prophetic dreams and telepathy. But that isn't the only surprise this new book has given me.

The backstory is another aspect of my current book that is giving me fits at the moment. I'm even more surprised by this than I was by the difficulty of writing about magic. After all, Amelia's Children is a murder mystery. What is a murder mystery? At its heart it is basically the primary character's attempt to find out the backstory. Really, mysteries are all about backstory, so why was Amelia's Children so much easier to write than my new book?

The Nature of a Murder Mystery

Yes, murder mysteries revolve around a backstory, but it is often a rather simple one. To the reader it doesn't seem simple because, if the story is told well, the clues are doled out so gradually that the book seems to get more and more complex as it goes along. But that is not how it seems to the writer. While the entirety of the backstory may not be completely planned out when pen is first set to page, nevertheless the writer generally has a pretty good idea of what happened before beginning to write the book. And if the book is a straightforward mystery it all goes back to one event. A murder, in my case. So once I knew who died, who killed her, why she was killed, and how she was killed, the rest was just sprinkling in details to make things more interesting. Those details could be anything I wanted them to be, and it was fun coming up with things to throw into the story.

When the Backstory Is More Complex

The book I am writing now is not a murder mystery. Discovering the backstory is not the main objective, but the backstory is there, nonetheless. And it's a complicated one. There is one major event that occurred five years prior to the current action that binds the main characters together and gives them their motivation for the things they do in the book, but that one event is related to a series of events that have occurred down through the years, all culminating in the new crisis that is the main problem of the story. Just like with a murder mystery, I have to know what happened, why it happened, how it happened, and who was involved. But unlike Amelia's Children, this does not just apply to one event. It applies to multiple events involving multiple characters. And to top it all off each one of these events has to do with magic, meaning that everything that happened in the backstory has to obey the rules I mentioned in last week's post. Yeesh!

Consistency Is Our Friend

Because the plot is so complex, I most certainly did not have all of it planned out when I began writing the book. What that means is that once the first draft is finished I'm going to have to go back and rewrite whole sections to make sure they line up with decisions I made in later chapters about what happened in the past. I almost feel like I need to write a whole separate book just about the timeline and the magic and how it works so that I can have an easy reference when I'm writing the story itself. Right now I'm trying to hold all of it in my mind, with the help of a collection of Post-it notes cluttering up my desk, but I'm becoming overwhelmed. After all, the mind forgets things and Post-it notes can get lost or buried or even thrown away.

Seeing the Light

I think I've finally reached the point where most of the backstory is nailed down. I also have a pretty good idea of what most of the magical rules are, so abiding by them should become easier from here on. So as long as I remember where I put those darn Post-its I should be okay. Maybe. Wish me luck!

The Challenge of Writing Fantasy

Picking a Genre

I've proudly used the word "fantasy" in the title of this post, but really I'm not sure that I'm actually writing fantasy. If anything, my book would be considered an "urban fantasy" because it takes place in our modern world, but I don't know enough about the criteria for defining a book as "urban fantasy" to be sure. All I know is my book takes place in our world, but there's magic. Sometimes the setting and the characters seem a bit too mundane to really fit the label "fantasy", but I don't know what else to call it. It's definitely paranormal, but it's not a mystery. It's not romance. It's not horror. It's not a thriller. It's dark fiction set in today's world, but there are people who know about and can use magic. Urban fantasy? Maybe. If anyone has a better label feel free to tell me in a comment.

Previous Experience With Paranormal Fiction

As the title of this post implies, I have encountered some challenges while writing this new book. These challenges surprise me because paranormal fiction is something that usually comes out of me with ease. I had very little difficulty writing Amelia's Children, despite the fact that it contains paranormal elements. I've tried analyzing the difference between that book and my new one, and here is what I have concluded. All of the supernatural elements in Amelia's Children have to do with psychic powers. Psychic powers are easy to write about because the rules are simple. The powers are something a character is born with, so there is no backstory regarding how, exactly, the character acquired these abilities. The powers manifest themselves in a limited number of ways. Either a character can tell the future, or he can read people's minds, or he can manipulate the world around him with his mind. Often there is a combination of these elements, but the elements themselves are relatively simple. And usually the characters themselves don't fully understand what's happening, so the author can keep things shrouded in mystery and not have to worry about doing the research necessary to explain the mechanism behind the powers. Unless that's part of the story. But it wasn't part of Amelia's Children, so in order to write I didn't need to think about, for example, whether psychic people have a different brain structure than normal people, or whether there's a specific gene that codes for the various manifestations of the powers. My characters never found out these things, so I never had to figure them out.

When You Write About Magic

Magic is different. The characters have to understand it in order to use it, which means the author has to understand it as well. Of course a character can try to use the magic without fully understanding it but anyone who has ever read fantasy knows that using magic without knowing what you're doing often has unintended consequences. The author has to know what those consequences are. And while there are stories about people being born with magic, often the power is acquired, in which case an author must explain how the magic was discovered. Even in stories where characters are born with it, still there is a learning curve. As I said above, using it without understanding it has unintended consequences. So characters must learn to use it, and the author must learn how to write that.

The Challenge of World-Building

I'm not writing epic fantasy. I'm not writing a fairy tale. I'm not writing about portals to magical lands. On the surface it looks like my book requires very little world-building, but looks can be deceiving. Because there is magic in my story, there has to be world-building. You see, when you write about magic you are writing about a world that follows different rules from those our own world follows. It is your responsibility as the author to make up those rules. All of them. And then everything, literally everything, that happens in your story must follow those rules. No exceptions.

Problems occur when you think you have all the rules worked out, but you don't. So you may be two thirds of the way through your book when you realize, "Oh yeah, I haven't found a way to explain that yet." So you worry and fuss over it until you have a new rule, which you enthusiastically insert into your story. But before you can happily continue writing you have to go back through everything you've already written and make sure you haven't contradicted yourself somewhere along the way. And if you find that you have contradicted yourself, you have to find a way to fix the problem. And the solution has to follow the rules of the world you are building.

The Unique Challenge of My Book

My book has presented me with a number of challenges, but one in particular that I'm struggling with is the question of how to solve the main problem in the story and defeat the bad guys. Obviously it has to have a magical solution, but what kind of magical solution? When I first started the book I agonized over this until I finally decided that one of my main characters has to die. I didn't like that answer because I want my characters to live happily ever after, but it seemed the most logical way. Really, it seemed to be the only way. So I decided. A character was going to die. And not just any character, but one of the three primary characters. So I went back to my writing with that ending in mind. Then I started to question it.

It happened yesterday. I was thinking about the story and how it should end. I was thinking that there really were no solutions to the problem that did not involve this particular character dying. And then I thought of one. The first thing I did was test this new solution against the rule system I've constructed for my story. It fits. Then I looked at it in terms of emotional impact. Yep, there'd still be an emotional impact. It wouldn't be quite as tragic as having one of my precious main characters die, but it would still be intense. It could work.

This should have been good news, but it wasn't. Yes, I have a way to save my character, but I also have to decide which ending I'm going to use. Should I save my character? Or should I stick to my original solution and let the character die? I still have a little while before I have to make my decision, but I'm probably going to agonize over it right up until that point.

The Possible Benefit of Indecision

I'm trying to look at this as a good thing. Really, it is a good thing. If even I don't know if my character will survive the book, there's no way the audience will know while they're reading it. So there's an unpredictable element here that could really work to my advantage. Doesn't make deciding any easier, though.

My Lenten Journey, Part 5: What I Didn't Give Up

A Lofty Ideal

Every year when Lent comes I look forward to the quiet of a house with no television. I look forward to the extra time I have when I'm not perpetually sitting with my eyes glued to the set. But I look forward to other things too. Every year I dream of completely revolutionizing my life during the Lenten season. I want to free myself completely from my dependence on the material world and live a life of pure simplicity. I want to do this. I never actually achieve it.

The Dryer

I have a dream that one day I will get rid of my dryer altogether and only dry my laundry on the line. I do try do hang out my clothes as often as possible in the summer when running the dryer and the air conditioner at the same time seems counter-intuitive, but I'm far from being ready to live without it entirely. I was hoping that this year during Lent, at least, I would find the resolve to ditch the dryer, if only for a few weeks. It didn't happen. The fact is using the dryer is convenient while using the clothesline is...well...not. When there are places to go and people to dress and there are no clean socks in the house, I've got to get them washed and dried as quickly as possible. There are some situations in which a clothesline will simply not suffice. I dream, though, that one day I will find within myself the discipline to dry my clothes exclusively on the line. One day. Maybe.

Prepackaged Food

Everyone knows homemade food is healthier. Even if you're eating homemade junk food, it's still better than something that comes wrapped in plastic. As I was preparing myself mentally and spiritually for the start of Lent this year I thought to myself that I wanted to try to make all my food from scratch. Even snack foods. It didn't happen. Most of this has to do with time. I like cooking, but other aspects of my life often demand so much attention that there is little time leftover for preparing food. And the actual preparation time is not the only concern. There's also cleanup that needs to be considered. The more complex the recipe, the more dishes that need to be washed later. This takes time. Time that I usually don't have. Or, if I'm honest, time that I'd rather spend doing something else. And there's also the fact that when I really get motivated to cook I tend to go a little crazy with it, which more often than not causes me to put on weight, something I try to avoid if I can. But again, maybe I'll be able to pull this off one day. Maybe.

The Car

Oh, how I have dreamed of having a lifestyle that does not require me to own a car. The reality is that I do not live in an area where that is possible. Basically, if I gave up my car I'd have to give up grocery shopping because the store is a little far for walking. It might not be too bad a bike ride, if the store weren't located on a highway where I don't think I'd feel safe riding. But even if I could walk or cycle to the grocery store, there are other things I would have to give up if I gave up my car. My job for one. My dance classes and my children's dance classes for another. Trips to the library. The list goes on and on. No, the car is not something I could give up, not considering where and how I live. But maybe one day. Maybe.

Paying It Forward

You may have picked up on the fact that I'm a bit of an environmentalist. Much of my desire to eliminate these things from my life stems from a desire to create a cleaner world. Lesson my impact. Shrink my carbon footprint. Leave this world in better shape than it was in when I entered it. I do my best, but sometimes I fail. I guess this is where the spiritual side of Lent comes in, as I remember that God knows we are not perfect, but he chooses to love us anyway.

My Lenten Journey, Part 4: The Keurig

A Confession

Alright, gotta come clean here. I didn't actually give up the Keurig for Lent. If you read my post entitled Counting My Blessings then you know that I stopped using the Keurig in favor of my stovetop Moka pot several weeks before Lent began. However, there is a spiritual element to this, so I'm counting it as a part of my Lenten journey.

A Mountaintop Experience

There must be something about the mountains. It's where my husband always wants to go for vacation. I have dreams of relaxing on sandy beaches or soaking up the culture of some faraway country, but he's happy as long as there's a rustic cabin and a nice view. In fact, if he goes too long without visiting the mountains, he starts to feel restless, and we know it's time to take another mountain trip.

I frequently resist when he suggests this, thinking to myself, "we've already been there. Can't we go somewhere else?" Often we do go somewhere else, but every few years we have to go see some mountains, and when we do I begin to understand what it is that pulls my husband there again and again.

More so than any other place I have ever been, the mountains seem to have a calming effect on my soul. They make me crave simplicity in my life, in a world where things can so easily become overwhelmingly complex. This craving for simplicity is what prompted me to stop drinking Keurig coffee. Back in the fall we took a mini-vacation up to the mountains. We actually brought the Keurig with us (my husband is spoiled now and doesn't like any other kind of coffee), but I chose to make my coffee in the drip coffee maker provided in our cabin. I can't exactly remember my reasoning now but I know it had something to do with saving money as well as being more environmentally friendly. Let's face it, K-cups create an awful lot of waste. So I was thinking in the back of my mind that avoiding the Keurig is a way to do something good for our family and the world as a whole. It was the truly horrendous taste of the coffee made in the drip machine that prompted me to switch to homemade espresso when we returned from our trip.

Closer to God

Are mountains really closer to God? They reach up into the sky...up to where we imagine God to be...but do they actually reach up to God? Is it even possible to know where God is? Don't most people of faith believe God is everywhere? If God is everywhere, then the mountains are no closer to him than any other place on earth. But still, there's something about those mountains. The Bible itself acknowledges this. Where did Moses meet with God? On a mountaintop. Where did the transfiguration occur? On a mountaintop. Great things, it seems, happen on mountaintops. I know a change happens in my heart every time I come near one. Giving up the Keurig may sound trivial, and in reality it is, but it is just one manifestation of the inner peace I feel after I come down from the mountain. And that inner peace is not trivial. That inner peace is powerful.

Paying it Forward

I've been writing about how I struggle with this aspect of Lenten discipline, but I'm working to make that better. I've found a way to turn my avoidance of the Keurig into a way to give back. My church collects donations for a local food bank, so I've decided that whenever I buy my inexpensive non-Keurig coffee, I will spend the money that I save on food that I will then donate to this ministry. It's small, I know, but I'm trying.